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Satire

Elon Musk Offers Nick Shirley Federal Resources To Investigate Ilhann Omar In Somali Medicaid Scandal

Elon Musk starts the meeting by proposing a complete redesign of public oversight reporting. Nick Shirley starts by asking where to put his coat. These are both reasonable questions, although only one can be answered without establishing a working group. The project is an independent video guide to Minnesota public spending reports. Shirley wants viewers […]

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James Woods Names Matt Damon As His Favorite Hollywood Clash, “He’s A Clueless Woke Cultist”

Matt Damon suggests a friendly debate night to raise money for a neighborhood theater. James Woods agrees immediately, provided someone defines friendly, debate, night, and whether the theater has adequate parking. The planning meeting is already running late when the refreshments arrive. The proposed subject is whether actors should talk about politics while promoting a […]

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Robert De Niro’s Penthouse Destroyed By Squatters He Let Stay For A Bargain Price

Robert De Niro has discovered that being generous with the wrong tenants can become an incredibly expensive mistake. The actor reportedly allowed a small group of struggling artists to stay in his New York penthouse for a month, charging them a fraction of what the luxury apartment would normally command. He thought he was giving […]

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Alec Baldwin’s Night Out Takes An Unexpected Turn During Florida Prostitution Bust

Alec Baldwin reportedly found himself in the middle of a police operation in Pasco County, Florida, after deputies raided a strip club as part of an investigation into suspected prostitution. The actor was apparently inside the establishment when officers arrived, turning what he described as a brief night out into an incident that required an […]

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Stephen Colbert’s Beach House Burns Down As Investigators Discover Permit Problems

Stephen Colbert’s expensive beach house in the Hamptons has been reduced to ruins, and investigators are now looking closely at the solar panels installed on its roof. The property was valued at nearly $20 million, making the destruction a major financial blow. But the circumstances surrounding the fire could make the situation even worse for […]

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Alyssa Milano Ordered To Court After Miley Cyrus’s Maserati Is Wrecked In Hollywood

Alyssa Milano has found herself in an uncomfortable situation after a luxury Maserati belonging to Miley Cyrus was involved in a Hollywood crash. What makes the incident even more unusual is that the person allegedly driving the vehicle reportedly left the scene on foot. Witnesses told investigators that Milano was behind the wheel when the […]

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Attorney General Blanche Turns Attention To Tom Hanks Over Alleged Canada Border Crossing, “He Crossed The Border Illegally”

Todd Blanche is convinced Tom Hanks has arrived in New York under a cloud of paperwork confusion, and Hanks is convinced he simply wants a bagel. No customs case opens. No investigator files a request. The bureaucracy is all in Blanche’s head, which is crowded enough. Blanche’s briefing claims Hanks crossed from somewhere upstate with […]

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Tulsi Gabbard Claims Intelligence Agencies Have Been Watching Elaine Chao For Years, “She’s A Spy”

Elaine Chao packs a sensible suitcase and Mitch McConnell deciding, for once, that home has better lighting than a departure lounge. Tulsi Gabbard, treats the itinerary like open-mic material. There are no spy claims. There are no hospital scenes. There is only travel speculation as sport. Chao’s meetings in China are the mild kind: handshakes, […]

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Zohran Mamdani Calls On New Yorkers To Turn To Allah During Brooklyn Appearance

Kathy Griffin has made a career out of being dramatic. This week, real life outdid her. The comedian says the beach house she was renting on the California coast broke loose and slid off a cliff into the Pacific. She was out walking her pug when it happened, and by the time she came back, […]

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