Day: October 5, 2024

Tim Walz Primanti Bros.
Satire

Report: Tim Walz May Have A “Financial Interest” In Primanti Bros

In the latest twist of political intrigue, whispers are circulating that Minnesota Governor and Democratic vice-presidential nominee Tim Walz may have more than just a casual interest in Pittsburgh’s most iconic sandwich chain, Primanti Bros. According to an anonymous source with a flair for conspiracy, Walz may have a “financial interest” in the restaurant chain, […]

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Primanti Bros. Jon Voight Deal
Satire

Jon Voight Turns Down $100 Million Sponsorship Deal from Primanti Bros: “They Went Woke”

In a truly bizarre twist of sandwich-related drama, Academy Award-winning actor Jon Voight has made headlines for turning down an eye-popping $100 million sponsorship deal from Primanti Bros., the beloved Pittsburgh institution known for its iconic sandwiches piled high with French fries. But it wasn’t the carbs or the calories that made Voight walk away—it […]

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Kyle Rittenhouse Metal fest
Satire

Kyle Rittenhouse Cancels Metal Fest Appearance Over Wokeness Concerns: “It’s Sad That Metal Went Woke Just Like That”

In a twist no one could have predicted, Kyle Rittenhouse, the controversial figure at the center of the 2020 Kenosha protests, has canceled his much-anticipated appearance at Orlando’s Shell Shock II Metal Fest. The reason? The metal world has apparently succumbed to what Rittenhouse calls “wokeness,” leading him to pull out of the event and […]

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Primanti Bros. JD Vance
Satire

Primanti Bros. Loses $50 Million and 10 Major Sponsors Amid Boycott: “They’re Toast”

In what can only be described as the ultimate sandwich scandal of the century, Primanti Bros., the beloved Pittsburgh-based eatery known for its famous fries-on-everything sandwiches, has found itself facing an unprecedented boycott that has resulted in a staggering $50 million in losses. To make matters worse, 10 of its major sponsors have pulled out, […]

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