ABC Loses 5 Major Advertisers After Debate, Costing the Media Company $27 Million: “We Won’t Host Any Debates in the Future”
In a plot twist that could only happen in 2024, ABC has officially lost five major advertisers following the fallout from its controversial handling of the latest presidential debate. The network, known for its polished news broadcasts and long-standing tradition of hosting political events, has now been hit where it hurts most: its wallet. The […]
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Taylor Swift Loses Brand Deals Worth $125 Million After The Big Endorsement
In what can only be described as a seismic shift in the world of pop culture and product placements, Taylor Swift, America’s sweetheart-turned-political commentator, has reportedly lost brand deals worth a staggering $125 million. The reason? Her latest “big endorsement,” which seemed to hit all the wrong notes with some of her biggest sponsors. The […]
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ABC Fires Debate Moderators David Muir and Linsey Davis: “They Are a Disgrace to Their Profession”
In a move that shocked exactly zero people on Twitter but left the world of broadcast journalism reeling, ABC News has reportedly fired debate moderators David Muir and Linsey Davis following their controversial performance during Tuesday night’s presidential debate. The network’s statement, released late Wednesday, didn’t mince words: “David Muir and Linsey Davis are a […]
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Elon Musk: “Kamala Didn’t Need To Debate Trump. She Had the ABC Moderators Do That For Her While She Babbled Like An Idiot”
In a new chapter of his ongoing quest to comment on everything from space travel to social media ownership, billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk has once again entered the political fray. This time, his target was none other than Vice President Kamala Harris—and the ABC moderators who hosted the recent presidential debate between her and Donald […]
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Taylor Swift Loses More Than 100 Million Followers on Instagram After Kamala Harris Endorsement
In what might be the most shocking Instagram exodus since the Great Vine Migration of 2017, pop sensation Taylor Swift woke up to find her follower count had dropped by more than 100 million overnight. The cause? Her recent endorsement of Vice President Kamala Harris for president. Yes, it appears that even Taylor’s legendary Swiftie […]
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Elon Musk Reveals His Endorsement: “We Need a Red Wave Right Now”
In a move that has left political analysts scrambling and Twitter (sorry, X) on fire, Elon Musk—the world’s wealthiest space enthusiast, electric car magnate, and part-time flamethrower salesman—has officially thrown his considerable weight behind a Republican resurgence, declaring, “We need a red wave right now.” And if that wasn’t enough to shake the internet, Musk […]
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NBC’s Fact Checkers Reveal Kamala Lied 29 Times During Debate With Trump: “She’s Good At Lying”
In what can only be described as an Olympic-level display of verbal gymnastics, NBC’s fact-checkers have revealed that Vice President Kamala Harris set a new record in political artistry during her debate with former President Donald Trump, racking up an impressive 29 lies in just 90 minutes. And honestly? The fact-checkers almost seemed impressed, even […]
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Colin Kaepernick Says He’ll Leave for Russia If He Doesn’t Get the Respect He Deserves in the U.S.
In a surprising twist that even Hollywood couldn’t have scripted, former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick has reportedly declared that he’s had enough of the disrespect in the United States and is now seriously considering packing his bags for Russia if things don’t improve. Yes, you read that right—Russia. In a lengthy and somewhat baffling interview […]
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Texas Officially Bans the Sale of Lab-Grown Meat: “It’s Printed Meat”
In a move that has stunned the culinary and scientific communities alike, Texas has officially banned the sale of lab-grown meat, or as state officials prefer to call it, “printed meat.” The Lone Star State, known for its love of barbeque, beef, and the kind of steak that makes vegetarians weep in quiet dismay, has […]
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Bill Maher Confronts Tim Walz on Show, Teaches Him A Lesson: “You’re a Disappointment”
In what could only be described as one of the most awkward moments in late-night television, Minnesota Governor and Democratic vice-presidential nominee Tim Walz was unceremoniously booted from Real Time with Bill Maher after a less-than-flattering confrontation with the show’s notoriously blunt host. The headline moment? Maher, after grilling Walz on his political record, looked […]
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