Howard University Professors Confirm: “Kamala Was the Worst Student Ever”
In an unexpected revelation that’s sure to send shockwaves through the political world, a group of retired professors from Howard University have come forward to share what can only be described as a truly bizarre chapter in the history of the school: Vice President Kamala Harris, they claim, was their “worst student ever.” Yes, you […]
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Beyoncé Gets Banned From CMA For Life After Receiving No Nominations For Her Country Album: “She Can Never Be Country”
In a stunning and unexpected turn of events, Beyoncé, one of the world’s most beloved and celebrated artists, has been permanently banned from the Country Music Association (CMA) after her latest album, Cowboy Carter, failed to receive a single nomination. The decision, which many are calling both draconian and absurd, was allegedly based on one […]
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Taylor Swift Endorses Kamala Harris: “She’s My Role Model and Perfect for Our Country”
In a shocking move that has sent Swifties and political pundits alike into a frenzy, pop sensation Taylor Swift has officially endorsed Vice President Kamala Harris for president, declaring, “She’s my role model and perfect for our country.” While some might have expected Swift to stay focused on re-releasing her old albums or fighting with […]
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International Olympic Committee Bans Paris From Hosting Future Games: “They Went Too Far With Wokeness and Satanism”
In a shocking yet somehow inevitable turn of events, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) has announced that Paris will be permanently banned from hosting future Olympic Games following the controversial opening ceremony of the 2024 Olympics. Citing a combination of “wokeness” and “satanic themes,” the IOC declared that the City of Light had crossed a […]
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Following Chiefs, Steelers Also Announce Boycott of Pride Nights: “It’s Purely Woke and Satanic”
In a shocking move that has sent fans, critics, and even Satanists into a tailspin, the Pittsburgh Steelers have announced their official boycott of Pride Nights, citing concerns over what they call the “woke and satanic” nature of the events. The announcement comes hot on the heels of a similar statement by the Kansas City […]
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NFL Issues Permanent Ban on ‘Black National Anthem’: “There’s Only One National Anthem”
In a move that has sent shockwaves across stadiums and social media feeds, the NFL has reportedly banned the performance of “Lift Every Voice and Sing,” commonly referred to as the Black national anthem, at all future games. According to insiders, this decision comes after several seasons of quietly weaving the song into pre-game ceremonies […]
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Tim Walz Is Thinking of Moving to China: “Maybe I should just move to China, Seems like I’d fit right in over there”
In a stunning twist that’s sending shockwaves through both political circles and fortune cookie manufacturers, Minnesota Governor and Democratic vice-presidential nominee Tim Walz has reportedly announced he’s considering a move to China. Yes, you read that right. In the midst of the 2024 election cycle, the governor of the land of 10,000 lakes is apparently […]
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It’s Official: Texas Declares Bringing a Pride Flag to the Classroom a Crime
In a move that’s sure to send shockwaves through classrooms and craft supply stores alike, Texas has officially passed a law making it a crime to bring a Pride flag to school. Yes, you heard that right—a crime. As in, “break out the handcuffs and call the sheriff, we’ve got a rainbow situation in Room […]
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Mark Wahlberg Rejects Disney’s $2 Billion Project: “No Chance I’ll Work With Them Again, Don’t Need That Wokeness in My Life”
In a shocking and self-assured move, Hollywood superstar Mark Wahlberg has turned down a $2 billion offer from Disney to star in its latest blockbuster project, citing a staunch refusal to be associated with the company’s growing “wokeness.” “I’m done. No chance I’ll work with them again. I don’t need that wokeness in my life,” […]
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New England Patriots Coach Makes It Absolutely Clear, ‘There Won’t Be Any Anthem Kneeling in the Upcoming Match’
In a move that has stirred up both cheers and controversy, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick has reportedly made it clear to his players that kneeling during the national anthem will not be tolerated in the upcoming game. The declaration, delivered in his signature gruff manner, has sent shockwaves through the NFL community, […]
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