McDonald’s Stocks Skyrocket 200%: “Making McDonald’s Great Again”
In a stunning twist of fate, McDonald’s—a company that already holds a special place in the American heart and stomach—saw its stock skyrocket by 200% following a recent visit by none other than former President Donald Trump. Donning an apron and manning the fry station at a Pennsylvania franchise, Trump seems to have cooked up […]
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Elon Musk Bans DreamWorks Animation Permanently from X for Promoting Pride: “It’s Extremely Woke”
In a move that has left both the tech world and the entertainment industry reeling, Elon Musk, the mercurial CEO of X (formerly known as Twitter), has officially banned DreamWorks Animation from his platform, citing the studio’s open support for LGBTQ+ Pride as “extremely woke.” The decision has sparked a whirlwind of controversy, sending shockwaves […]
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Elon Musk Is Considering CNN Acquisition To Set Things Right, Says “Our Country Will Be In A Better Place”
In a move that has sent shockwaves through the media world, billionaire tech mogul Elon Musk is reportedly considering the acquisition of CNN in what he describes as a plan to “set things right” and restore the news network to its former glory. According to Musk, CNN has veered so far off course that the […]
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Elon Musk to Pursue Legal Action Against Bill Gates: “He’s Evil, Let’s Get Him Behind Bars”
In an unexpected yet headline-worthy move, Elon Musk, the ever-charismatic billionaire behind Tesla and SpaceX, has made an explosive declaration that has social media buzzing: he is ready to pursue legal action against Bill Gates, the once untouchable Microsoft founder. Musk, who has never shied away from controversial statements, escalated the rivalry between himself and […]
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Lia Thomas Admits: “I Faked Being Trans to Expose How Gullible the Left Is”
In what could be the biggest plot twist of the decade, controversial swimmer Lia Thomas dropped a bombshell during an exclusive interview with Totally Legit News Network this week. The Ivy League swimmer, who became the focal point of a nationwide debate on transgender athletes, has admitted she was never really trans after all. That’s […]
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LeBron James Thrown Out of NBA Game After Breaking “No-Phones During Games” Rule
In a bizarre turn of events that has left fans scratching their heads, NBA legend LeBron James was ejected from an NBA game last night after violating a strict “No-Phones During Games” policy. Yes, you read that right — the King himself was escorted out of the arena, not for committing a flagrant foul or […]
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Whoopi Goldberg Declares on ‘The View’: “I’m Leaving the Country if The 45th Returns to Office”
In an explosive episode of The View that left viewers grabbing their popcorn and network executives bracing for impact, Whoopi Goldberg dropped a bombshell: she’s ready to book a one-way ticket out of the United States if former President Donald Trump reclaims the Oval Office. The announcement, delivered with all the drama one would expect […]
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NewsNation Fires Geraldo Rivera After His Big Harris Endorsement
In a move that has sparked waves of commentary and a fair share of eyebrow-raising, NewsNation has officially parted ways with its most outspoken and divisive personality, Geraldo Rivera, following his bombshell endorsement of Vice President Kamala Harris. The dramatic exit, which was accompanied by Rivera’s signature flair, has left many wondering if it was […]
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MLB Loses 1.5 Million Subscribers, $10 Million in Brand Deals After Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce Steal Spotlight
In what can only be described as one of the most bizarre crossovers in sports and entertainment, the MLB’s decision to give Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce the spotlight during Game 1 of the American League Championship Series at Yankee Stadium has backfired spectacularly. The league, which was hoping for a social media sensation by […]
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Hulk Hogan Pulls His Non-Woke “Real American Beer” from Target Shelves: “Don’t Want Any Wokeness in My Lager, Brother!”
In what might be the most earth-shattering news since Hulk Hogan bodyslammed Andre the Giant in front of 93,000 fans, the wrestling icon turned brewmaster has officially pulled his “Real American Beer” from Target shelves. His reasoning? The Hulkster himself has declared that his beer will not coexist with “woke” corporate agendas, and brother, he’s […]
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