Elon Musk Considering ABC Acquisition To ‘Set Things Straight’, Plans to Fire David Muir Immediately
In a move that has shocked media insiders and sent Twitter into a frenzy, Elon Musk is reportedly considering buying ABC, with one clear mission: to “set things straight.” And in typical Musk fashion, his first order of business would be firing longtime ABC anchor David Muir, the face of World News Tonight. The decision, […]
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ABC’s CEO Reveals: “It’s Finally Time for Us to Cancel the Worst Show on TV, ABC’s ‘The View’!”
In a decision that has rocked the world of daytime television, ABC’s CEO Michael Bellaman has officially announced that it is “finally time” to cancel the long-running and highly controversial talk show The View. The revelation came during a press conference that was supposed to focus on ABC’s future programming slate, but instead, the network’s […]
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ABC Loses Almost 1 Million Subscribers Overnight After Elon Musk’s Boycott Call
In what may go down as one of the most dramatic media shake-ups of the year, ABC has reportedly lost almost 1 million subscribers overnight. The reason? One tweet from tech mogul Elon Musk, who, after witnessing what he described as “blatant bias” during ABC’s recent presidential debate coverage, called for a full-blown boycott of […]
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Tim Allen’s Non-Woke Actor Alliance Announces Boycott of ABC: “They’ve Lost It”
In the latest skirmish in the culture wars, Tim Allen’s Non-Woke Actor Alliance (NWAA) has announced an official boycott of ABC, declaring that the network has “completely lost it” after its handling of the recent presidential debate. The NWAA, a group of Hollywood actors who believe the entertainment industry has been overtaken by “wokeness,” has […]
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David Muir Is Now Jobless After Being Fired by ABC, “Fact Checking Was My Biggest Mistake”
In a shocking turn of events that has left the media world reeling, David Muir, the anchor of ABC’s flagship news program World News Tonight, has reportedly been fired by ABC. Once a golden boy of the network, Muir has now found himself out of a job and, as some insiders suggest, struggling to figure […]
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Elon Musk Calls for Boycott of ABC Network: “Let’s Take ‘Em Down!”
In yet another dramatic twist in the ever-spiraling 2024 political saga, tech billionaire and part-time Twitter disruptor Elon Musk has thrown his weight behind a full-fledged boycott of ABC Network following the recent presidential debate. After a polarizing event that left both Donald Trump and Kamala Harris supporters fuming over the moderators’ handling, Musk took […]
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ABC Stores Across the US Display Signs Declaring No Affiliation With ABC Network After Debate
In the aftermath of the heated 2024 presidential debate, ABC stores across the United States have begun displaying bold signage to make one thing crystal clear: they have absolutely no connection to the television network responsible for airing the contentious event. From “ABC Fine Wine & Spirits” to “ABC Warehouse,” locations are posting disclaimers on […]
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ABC Fires Entire Staff Amid Debate Backlash, “It Was Our Biggest Mistake”
In a corporate purge worthy of a dystopian novel, ABC has decided to fire its entire staff after the network found itself at the center of a post-debate backlash tsunami. From seasoned anchors to cafeteria workers, no one was safe from the network’s hasty response to the uproar that followed its now-infamous Trump vs. Harris […]
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Tim Allen and Roseanne Barr Cancel Their Non-Woke Show With ABC: “They Lost Their Credibility”
In a dramatic twist that has left ABC executives scrambling and conservative audiences nodding in collective agreement, Tim Allen and Roseanne Barr have officially canceled their highly anticipated “non-woke” show with ABC. The reason? According to the duo, ABC’s handling of the recent Trump-Harris debate, and the subsequent backlash, was the final straw in what […]
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ABC Drops Out of the Debate Business After Backlash, Fox to Hold Next Debate: “We Can’t Afford It”
In a plot twist no one saw coming, ABC has officially declared that it’s bowing out of the presidential debate business, citing both financial strain and a backlash of epic proportions. After years of hosting these political slugfests, ABC executives have finally thrown in the towel, reportedly muttering, “We can’t afford it,” as they exited […]
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