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Elon Musk Considering ABC Acquisition To ‘Set Things Straight’, Plans to Fire David Muir Immediately
- Alex Robin
- September 17, 2024
In a move that has shocked media insiders and sent Twitter into a frenzy, Elon Musk is reportedly considering buying ABC, with one clear mission: to “set things straight.” And in typical Musk fashion, his first order of business would be firing longtime ABC anchor David Muir, the face of World News Tonight. The decision, […]
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ABC’s CEO Reveals: “It’s Finally Time for Us to Cancel the Worst Show on TV, ABC’s ‘The View’!”
- Alex Robin
- September 17, 2024
In a decision that has rocked the world of daytime television, ABC’s CEO Michael Bellaman has officially announced that it is “finally time” to cancel the long-running and highly controversial talk show The View. The revelation came during a press conference that was supposed to focus on ABC’s future programming slate, but instead, the network’s […]
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ABC Loses Almost 1 Million Subscribers Overnight After Elon Musk’s Boycott Call
- Alex Robin
- September 16, 2024
In what may go down as one of the most dramatic media shake-ups of the year, ABC has reportedly lost almost 1 million subscribers overnight. The reason? One tweet from tech mogul Elon Musk, who, after witnessing what he described as “blatant bias” during ABC’s recent presidential debate coverage, called for a full-blown boycott of […]
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Tim Allen’s Non-Woke Actor Alliance Announces Boycott of ABC: “They’ve Lost It”
- Alex Robin
- September 16, 2024
In the latest skirmish in the culture wars, Tim Allen’s Non-Woke Actor Alliance (NWAA) has announced an official boycott of ABC, declaring that the network has “completely lost it” after its handling of the recent presidential debate. The NWAA, a group of Hollywood actors who believe the entertainment industry has been overtaken by “wokeness,” has […]
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David Muir Is Now Jobless After Being Fired by ABC, “Fact Checking Was My Biggest Mistake”
- Alex Robin
- September 16, 2024
In a shocking turn of events that has left the media world reeling, David Muir, the anchor of ABC’s flagship news program World News Tonight, has reportedly been fired by ABC. Once a golden boy of the network, Muir has now found himself out of a job and, as some insiders suggest, struggling to figure […]
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Elon Musk Calls for Boycott of ABC Network: “Let’s Take ‘Em Down!”
- Alex Robin
- September 15, 2024
In yet another dramatic twist in the ever-spiraling 2024 political saga, tech billionaire and part-time Twitter disruptor Elon Musk has thrown his weight behind a full-fledged boycott of ABC Network following the recent presidential debate. After a polarizing event that left both Donald Trump and Kamala Harris supporters fuming over the moderators’ handling, Musk took […]
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ABC Stores Across the US Display Signs Declaring No Affiliation With ABC Network After Debate
- Alex Robin
- September 14, 2024
In the aftermath of the heated 2024 presidential debate, ABC stores across the United States have begun displaying bold signage to make one thing crystal clear: they have absolutely no connection to the television network responsible for airing the contentious event. From “ABC Fine Wine & Spirits” to “ABC Warehouse,” locations are posting disclaimers on […]
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ABC Fires Entire Staff Amid Debate Backlash, “It Was Our Biggest Mistake”
- Alex Robin
- September 14, 2024
In a corporate purge worthy of a dystopian novel, ABC has decided to fire its entire staff after the network found itself at the center of a post-debate backlash tsunami. From seasoned anchors to cafeteria workers, no one was safe from the network’s hasty response to the uproar that followed its now-infamous Trump vs. Harris […]
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ABC Drops Out of the Debate Business After Backlash, Fox to Hold Next Debate: “We Can’t Afford It”
- Alex Robin
- September 13, 2024
In a plot twist no one saw coming, ABC has officially declared that it’s bowing out of the presidential debate business, citing both financial strain and a backlash of epic proportions. After years of hosting these political slugfests, ABC executives have finally thrown in the towel, reportedly muttering, “We can’t afford it,” as they exited […]
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