Anheuser-Busch CEO Makes Urgent Plea to Red State Drinkers: ‘Please Buy Our Beer Again’
In the aftermath of the Bud Light fiasco that left Anheuser-Busch reeling, the CEO of the brewing giant is making a desperate appeal to red state drinkers to once again embrace their brand. The fallout from a controversial marketing campaign featuring transgender influencer Dylan Mulvaney on a commemorative Bud Light can has caused a significant […]
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Jack Daniels’ ‘Woke’ Statement Costs Company $100 Million in Sales and Counting
In what can only be described as a sobering turn of events, Jack Daniels has announced that it lost a staggering $100 million in one “woke” weekend. The whiskey company’s woes began when it released a statement expressing support for the Black Lives Matter movement and pledging to do more to promote diversity and inclusion. […]
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Bud Light’s Fiasco Causes Over $1 Billion in Losses, Leaving Investors Fuming
In a stunning turn of events, the Bud Light Fiasco has reportedly cost the company over $1 billion in losses, leaving investors absolutely furious. The debacle began when Bud Light decided to release a new line of flavored beers, including such questionable flavors as Bacon and Maple Syrup, Spicy Nacho Cheese, and Ranch Dressing. Despite […]
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Anheuser Busch’s CEO Steps Down Following Record-Low Bud Light Sales
In a shocking turn of events, Anheuser Busch CEO, Michel Doukeris, has announced his resignation amidst a catastrophic decline in Bud Light sales. Sources close to the company say that Doukeris made the decision to step down after realizing that Bud Light sales had hit an all-time low. Apparently, the recent trend towards healthier living […]
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