ABC Loses Almost 1 Million Subscribers Overnight After Elon Musk’s Boycott Call
- Alex Robin
- September 16, 2024
In what may go down as one of the most dramatic media shake-ups of the year, ABC has reportedly lost almost 1 million subscribers overnight. The reason? One tweet from tech mogul Elon Musk, who, after witnessing what he described as “blatant bias” during ABC’s recent presidential debate coverage, called for a full-blown boycott of […]
Read MoreTim Allen’s Non-Woke Actor Alliance Announces Boycott of ABC: “They’ve Lost It”
- Alex Robin
- September 16, 2024
In the latest skirmish in the culture wars, Tim Allen’s Non-Woke Actor Alliance (NWAA) has announced an official boycott of ABC, declaring that the network has “completely lost it” after its handling of the recent presidential debate. The NWAA, a group of Hollywood actors who believe the entertainment industry has been overtaken by “wokeness,” has […]
Read MoreDavid Muir Is Now Jobless After Being Fired by ABC, “Fact Checking Was My Biggest Mistake”
- Alex Robin
- September 16, 2024
In a shocking turn of events that has left the media world reeling, David Muir, the anchor of ABC’s flagship news program World News Tonight, has reportedly been fired by ABC. Once a golden boy of the network, Muir has now found himself out of a job and, as some insiders suggest, struggling to figure […]
Read MoreGuy Fieri Kicks Taylor Swift Out of His Restaurant After Harris Endorsement: “Don’t Come Back Here, You Ain’t Anybody’s Role Model”
- Alex Robin
- September 15, 2024
In what might be the spiciest scandal to ever hit Flavortown, celebrity chef Guy Fieri has officially taken his diners, drive-ins, and dives to new political heights. Known for his signature bleached hair, love of nacho cheese, and all things “dude food,” Fieri shocked fans everywhere when he reportedly kicked pop icon Taylor Swift out […]
Read MoreElon Musk Calls for Boycott of ABC Network: “Let’s Take ‘Em Down!”
- Alex Robin
- September 15, 2024
In yet another dramatic twist in the ever-spiraling 2024 political saga, tech billionaire and part-time Twitter disruptor Elon Musk has thrown his weight behind a full-fledged boycott of ABC Network following the recent presidential debate. After a polarizing event that left both Donald Trump and Kamala Harris supporters fuming over the moderators’ handling, Musk took […]
Read MoreCoca-Cola Ends Long-Term Partnership with Taylor Swift: “We Don’t Support Her Endorsement”
- Alex Robin
- September 14, 2024
In a move that has shocked fans and fizzled out one of the most iconic partnerships in modern pop culture, Coca-Cola has officially ended its long-standing collaboration with global superstar Taylor Swift. The reason? Swift’s recent political endorsement of Kamala Harris for the 2024 presidential election, a move that Coca-Cola executives say they “just can’t […]
Read MoreABC Stores Across the US Display Signs Declaring No Affiliation With ABC Network After Debate
- Alex Robin
- September 14, 2024
In the aftermath of the heated 2024 presidential debate, ABC stores across the United States have begun displaying bold signage to make one thing crystal clear: they have absolutely no connection to the television network responsible for airing the contentious event. From “ABC Fine Wine & Spirits” to “ABC Warehouse,” locations are posting disclaimers on […]
Read MoreTaylor Swift Cancels Eras Tour Dates After Endorsement Backlash: ‘Only 2,300 Tickets Sold’
- Alex Robin
- September 14, 2024
In a turn of events that no one—especially Taylor Swift—saw coming, the pop sensation has been forced to cancel several upcoming dates of her highly anticipated Eras tour after a shocking backlash following her public endorsement of Vice President Kamala Harris. The once-sold-out stadiums have quickly turned into ghost towns, with Swift managing to sell […]
Read MoreFollowing Taylor Swift, Travis Kelce Also Endorses Harris: “Taylor Made the Right Choice”
- Alex Robin
- September 14, 2024
In a move that has left both sports fans and political analysts scratching their heads, NFL star Travis Kelce has followed in the footsteps of his rumored girlfriend Taylor Swift by endorsing Vice President Kamala Harris for the 2024 presidential election. In a surprising public statement, Kelce declared, “Taylor made the right choice, and I […]
Read MoreABC Fires Entire Staff Amid Debate Backlash, “It Was Our Biggest Mistake”
- Alex Robin
- September 14, 2024
In a corporate purge worthy of a dystopian novel, ABC has decided to fire its entire staff after the network found itself at the center of a post-debate backlash tsunami. From seasoned anchors to cafeteria workers, no one was safe from the network’s hasty response to the uproar that followed its now-infamous Trump vs. Harris […]
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