Taylor Swift Loses More Than 100 Million Followers on Instagram After Kamala Harris Endorsement
In what might be the most shocking Instagram exodus since the Great Vine Migration of 2017, pop sensation Taylor Swift woke up to find her follower count had dropped by more than 100 million overnight. The cause? Her recent endorsement of Vice President Kamala Harris for president. Yes, it appears that even Taylor’s legendary Swiftie […]
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Elon Musk Reveals His Endorsement: “We Need a Red Wave Right Now”
In a move that has left political analysts scrambling and Twitter (sorry, X) on fire, Elon Musk—the world’s wealthiest space enthusiast, electric car magnate, and part-time flamethrower salesman—has officially thrown his considerable weight behind a Republican resurgence, declaring, “We need a red wave right now.” And if that wasn’t enough to shake the internet, Musk […]
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NBC’s Fact Checkers Reveal Kamala Lied 29 Times During Debate With Trump: “She’s Good At Lying”
In what can only be described as an Olympic-level display of verbal gymnastics, NBC’s fact-checkers have revealed that Vice President Kamala Harris set a new record in political artistry during her debate with former President Donald Trump, racking up an impressive 29 lies in just 90 minutes. And honestly? The fact-checkers almost seemed impressed, even […]
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Colin Kaepernick Says He’ll Leave for Russia If He Doesn’t Get the Respect He Deserves in the U.S.
In a surprising twist that even Hollywood couldn’t have scripted, former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick has reportedly declared that he’s had enough of the disrespect in the United States and is now seriously considering packing his bags for Russia if things don’t improve. Yes, you read that right—Russia. In a lengthy and somewhat baffling interview […]
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Texas Officially Bans the Sale of Lab-Grown Meat: “It’s Printed Meat”
In a move that has stunned the culinary and scientific communities alike, Texas has officially banned the sale of lab-grown meat, or as state officials prefer to call it, “printed meat.” The Lone Star State, known for its love of barbeque, beef, and the kind of steak that makes vegetarians weep in quiet dismay, has […]
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Bill Maher Confronts Tim Walz on Show, Teaches Him A Lesson: “You’re a Disappointment”
In what could only be described as one of the most awkward moments in late-night television, Minnesota Governor and Democratic vice-presidential nominee Tim Walz was unceremoniously booted from Real Time with Bill Maher after a less-than-flattering confrontation with the show’s notoriously blunt host. The headline moment? Maher, after grilling Walz on his political record, looked […]
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Howard University Professors Confirm: “Kamala Was the Worst Student Ever”
In an unexpected revelation that’s sure to send shockwaves through the political world, a group of retired professors from Howard University have come forward to share what can only be described as a truly bizarre chapter in the history of the school: Vice President Kamala Harris, they claim, was their “worst student ever.” Yes, you […]
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Beyoncé Gets Banned From CMA For Life After Receiving No Nominations For Her Country Album: “She Can Never Be Country”
In a stunning and unexpected turn of events, Beyoncé, one of the world’s most beloved and celebrated artists, has been permanently banned from the Country Music Association (CMA) after her latest album, Cowboy Carter, failed to receive a single nomination. The decision, which many are calling both draconian and absurd, was allegedly based on one […]
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Taylor Swift Endorses Kamala Harris: “She’s My Role Model and Perfect for Our Country”
In a shocking move that has sent Swifties and political pundits alike into a frenzy, pop sensation Taylor Swift has officially endorsed Vice President Kamala Harris for president, declaring, “She’s my role model and perfect for our country.” While some might have expected Swift to stay focused on re-releasing her old albums or fighting with […]
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International Olympic Committee Bans Paris From Hosting Future Games: “They Went Too Far With Wokeness and Satanism”
In a shocking yet somehow inevitable turn of events, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) has announced that Paris will be permanently banned from hosting future Olympic Games following the controversial opening ceremony of the 2024 Olympics. Citing a combination of “wokeness” and “satanic themes,” the IOC declared that the City of Light had crossed a […]
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