Guy Fieri to Open ‘Woke-Free’ Coffee Shops in Red States, Going Head-to-Head with Starbucks
Guy Fieri, the spiky-haired chef and self-proclaimed “Mayor of Flavortown,” is now brewing up a new venture, one with a distinctly patriotic flavor: “Patriot Brew,” a line of “woke-free” coffee shops set to open exclusively in red states. Promising “no lectures, no politics, just coffee,” Patriot Brew will go head-to-head with Starbucks in cities across […]
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Alyssa Milano to Sell Out Red State Properties And Shift To Blue States, ‘I No Longer Feel Safe Here’
After another stunning election victory for Donald Trump and a sweeping “red wave” in conservative states, actress and activist Alyssa Milano has officially announced she will be selling all of her properties in red states and relocating to a blue state. The outspoken political figure, who has long been vocal about her disagreements with conservative […]
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Fox Removes Michael Strahan, Issues $150,000 Fine for National Anthem Disrespect
In a dramatic and eyebrow-raising response to the recent national anthem controversy, Fox has officially removed Michael Strahan from his on-air duties and slapped him with a staggering $150,000 fine for what they’re calling “flagrant disrespect for the flag.” The former NFL star-turned-TV host found himself in the network’s crosshairs after failing to place his […]
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Taylor Swift’s Exclusive ‘Blue States Only’ Tour Struggles with 1,300 Tickets Sold
Taylor Swift, America’s reigning pop princess and pop culture lightning rod, made waves when she announced that her upcoming “Blue States Only” tour would avoid all states that voted Republican in the recent election, following Donald Trump’s surprising return to the Oval Office. However, as ticket sales roll in, the numbers are falling far short […]
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U.S. Airports to Display “WOKE Movie Stars Leaving the Country This Way” Signs
In a lighthearted yet pointed response to Hollywood’s perennial political outbursts, airports across the U.S. are reportedly set to install signs reading, “Movie Stars Leaving the Country This Way.” The cheeky signage, positioned at international departure terminals, aims to guide stars who may have publicly declared plans to leave the U.S. if Donald Trump won […]
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Kid Rock’s Rock the Country Tour Heads to Red States Only, “Only God-Fearing Patriots Allowed”
Kid Rock has announced that his 2025 Rock the Country Tour will take a strictly red-state route, marking his most direct appeal yet to fans who share his unapologetically patriotic values. Bypassing blue states altogether, Rock’s tour will make stops in 11 cities, each selected for what he describes as “the spirit of hard work, […]
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Elon Musk Suggests Turning IRS Agents into Border Patrol, ‘Let’s Streamline Government’
Following Donald Trump’s recent re-election, Elon Musk has proposed one of his most eyebrow-raising ideas yet: converting IRS agents into border control personnel. Musk’s reasoning? “Let’s take agents who are currently nitpicking over tax returns and put them where they’re really needed—on the frontlines.” The idea quickly went viral, stirring up reactions from every corner […]
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WOKE Target to Close Stores in Red States and Relocate to Blue States Only, “Sticking To Areas Where We Feel Safe”
In a move that has sent shockwaves through both the retail world and social media, Target has announced plans to close stores across several red states and focus its operations exclusively in blue states. Following Donald Trump’s recent victory, Target has made a bold statement, explaining that “sticking to areas where we feel safe” is […]
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Gordon Ramsay and Shaquille O’Neal Team Up to Launch “Un-Woke” Restaurants in Red States Only, “Serving Cheap Food Only”
In a surprising twist for the culinary and entertainment worlds, celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay and former NBA star Shaquille O’Neal have announced a partnership to open a chain of “Un-Woke” restaurants exclusively in red states. The unlikely duo—Ramsay with his sharp tongue and fiery personality, and Shaq with his larger-than-life charisma—is set to bring a […]
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Kid Rock and Blake Shelton Announce Non-Woke Red States Tour: “We’re Officially Back”
Kid Rock and Blake Shelton are hitting the road together, bringing what they’re calling a “Non-Woke Red States Tour” to audiences across conservative America. The announcement comes on the heels of Donald Trump’s recent re-election, a political shift that seems to have ignited a new energy among country and rock artists looking to bring “good […]
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