New England Patriots Coach Makes It Absolutely Clear, ‘There Won’t Be Any Anthem Kneeling in the Upcoming Match’
In a move that has stirred up both cheers and controversy, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick has reportedly made it clear to his players that kneeling during the national anthem will not be tolerated in the upcoming game. The declaration, delivered in his signature gruff manner, has sent shockwaves through the NFL community, […]
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Dunkin’ Donuts CEO Reveals A Loss of $1 Billion Since Going Woke: “We’re Sorry, Won’t Try That Again”
In a shocking revelation that has sent tremors through the fast-food industry, Dunkin’ Donuts CEO Dave Hoffmann has admitted that the company has suffered a staggering $1 billion loss after what he described as their ill-fated foray into “woke” politics. The confession, made during a hastily organized press conference outside the company’s Canton, Massachusetts headquarters, […]
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Tim Walz Is Thinking of Leaving the Country Permanently: “I’ve Lost It”
In what may be the most unexpected twist in a 2024 election season already filled with plenty of surprises, Minnesota Governor and Democratic vice-presidential nominee Tim Walz is reportedly considering leaving the country for good. Yes, you read that correctly: Walz, the man who has spent his entire career advocating for the people of Minnesota, […]
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Shaq Throws Tim Walz Out of His Restaurant: “Don’t Come Back Here, You’re a Disappointment”
In what can only be described as a cross between a reality TV show and a political roast, NBA legend and restaurateur Shaquille O’Neal reportedly threw Minnesota Governor and Democratic vice-presidential nominee Tim Walz out of his Atlanta restaurant, Big Chicken, with the booming declaration, “Don’t come back here, you’re a disappointment!” The incident, which […]
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Breaking: NFL Committee Disqualifies 7 Players For Anthem Kneeling At The Opening Ceremony, “It’s a New Season Free From Kneeling Wokeness”
In an unprecedented display of zero tolerance for “wokeness,” the NFL kicked off its new season by disqualifying seven players for the egregious offense of kneeling during the national anthem. Yes, you read that right. While millions tuned in to watch the NFL’s season-opening ceremony, a small group of players dared to take a knee, […]
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Elon Musk and Donald Trump Vow To Release Epstein Client List: “One of Them Should Go Down”
In what can only be described as the collaboration no one saw coming, Elon Musk and former President Donald Trump took to the stage together, in front of a roaring crowd, to make an announcement that sent shockwaves across the world: they plan to release the infamous Epstein client list. The billionaire tech mogul and […]
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Gordon Ramsay Kicks Tim Walz Out of Hell’s Kitchen: “Don’t Come Back Here You Woke Creep”
In a move that sent shockwaves through both the culinary world and political spheres, famed chef Gordon Ramsay reportedly threw Minnesota Governor Tim Walz out of his hit show Hell’s Kitchen last night, calling the politician a “woke creep” after a heated exchange over the menu’s “politically incorrect” dishes. The clash occurred during a special […]
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Elon Musk: “We Should Get Rid Of All Electronic Voting Machines”
In an unexpected twist that has left both tech enthusiasts and political analysts scratching their heads, Elon Musk, the billionaire entrepreneur known for his innovative ventures and futuristic visions, has made a bold proclamation: it’s time to get rid of all electronic voting machines. Yes, the man who wants to colonize Mars, implant chips in […]
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Breaking: Netflix Loses Almost 10 Million Subscribers in a Day After Big Donation
Hello America! Let me stun you guys with Netflix’s recent gigantic loss. Yes, you got it right. But why? What went wrong? Why did users get offended? Well, folks, hold down… Netflix’s CEO and Co-Founder, Wilmot Reed Hastings Jr., just donated $7 million to Kamala Harris’ presidential campaign. But wait… This big buck donation is […]
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Breaking: Netflix Suffers a Loss of $10 Million in A Day After Going Woke
Netflix faced a huge backlash from netizens for their bold move to save the world. Netflix has become the weakest streaming platform on earth, woah! And what happened? They lost $10 million just in a day, damn! The same Netflix that used to give you a bird box will now bring you to the grand […]
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