Just in: Budweiser Loses Top Spot as Best-Selling Beer After 60 Years
In a stunning upset, Budweiser has fallen out as the number-one-selling beer in the United States for the first time in 60 years. The iconic brand, known for its distinctive red and white can, has been knocked off its perch by an upstart craft brewery from Portland, Oregon. The brewery, which goes by the name […]
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Just in: Anheuser Busch Stuck With A Million Unsellable Bud Light “Trans Cans”
Anheuser Busch is in hot water after a recent marketing campaign for their popular beer brand, Bud Light, went terribly wrong. In an attempt to show its support for the LGBTQ+ community, the company released a limited edition line of “Trans Cans” featuring the iconic Bud Light blue and white colors with a rainbow stripe […]
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Roseanne Barr Launches Bud Light-Themed Shooting Range
In a move that is sure to raise eyebrows, former television star Roseanne Barr has announced that she is opening up a new Bud Light-themed shooting range in rural Oklahoma. The range, which will feature targets emblazoned with the iconic Bud Light logo, is being touted by Barr as a way to combine her two […]
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just in: Budweiser Incurs $800 Million Loss in a Single Day
In a shocking development, Budweiser, the beloved beer brand that has been a staple at backyard barbecues and frat parties for generations, has suffered a massive financial setback. According to industry insiders, the company’s latest attempt to “go woke” by featuring transgender activist Dylan Mulvaney in their advertising campaign has backfired spectacularly, causing their stock […]
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Anheuser Busch’s CEO Steps Down Following Record-Low Bud Light Sales
In a shocking turn of events, Anheuser Busch CEO, Michel Doukeris, has announced his resignation amidst a catastrophic decline in Bud Light sales. Sources close to the company say that Doukeris made the decision to step down after realizing that Bud Light sales had hit an all-time low. Apparently, the recent trend towards healthier living […]
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Just in: Kathy Griffin Files for Bankruptcy, Cites Elon Musk as Cause
Los Angeles, California – Comedian Kathy Griffin is filing for bankruptcy after a series of unfortunate events that she claims were caused by none other than the tech billionaire Elon Musk. According to sources close to Griffin, the trouble began when she decided to purchase a Tesla Model S, Musk’s flagship electric car. Griffin, known […]
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Just in: Fox Entertainment Signs Roseanne Barr to a Morning Show Opposite ABC’s “The View”
Fox Entertainment has just announced that they have signed Roseanne Barr to host a new morning show that will air opposite ABC’s popular talk show, “The View”. The move is being seen as a direct challenge to ABC, which fired Barr from her hit show after she made racist and offensive comments on Twitter. According […]
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Roseanne Barr Offered $100 Million by CBS to Pen a New Sitcom
CBS has made an outrageous offer to disgraced comedian Roseanne Barr – $100 million to write a new sitcom. Yes, you read that right. The same Roseanne Barr who was fired from her hit show in 2018 for making racist and offensive comments on Twitter. According to CBS executives, they believe that Barr has served […]
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Whoopi, Joy, and Sunny Threaten To Resign ‘Immediately’ If Candace Owens Joins The Panel
In a stunning turn of events, the co-hosts of The View, Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, and Sunny Hostin have all threatened to quit the show “immediately” if conservative commentator Candace Owens is added to the panel. Sources close to the hosts say they are outraged by the mere suggestion of Owens joining the show, citing […]
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Breaking: Kid Rock Signs $20 Million Deal with Miller, Tells Bud Light to “F*** Off”
Kid Rock, the notorious American musician and self-proclaimed “badass”, has just signed a whopping $40 million sponsorship deal with Miller beer. The announcement came as a shock to many in the industry, as Kid Rock has long been associated with Budweiser. But according to sources close to the deal, Kid Rock was lured away by […]
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