Breaking: Coach Prime Suspends 3 Persistent Anthem Kneelers On The Spot
In a stunning twist of irony that could only be matched by pouring Gatorade over your own head before the game even begins, Coach Prime, known to some as Deion Sanders, has put forth his own version of peaceful protest. His message? He’s sidelining three players who took a knee during the national anthem, stating, […]
Read More
TRUE: Bud Light Appoints Colin Kaepernick as New Ambassador to Boost Sales
In a move that has left many beer enthusiasts and social media gurus scratching their heads, Bud Light, still reeling from the Dylan Mulvaney controversy, has announced its latest brand ambassador: none other than the football legend and activist, Colin Kaepernick. Because when you’re trying to recover from one PR hiccup, why not dive headfirst […]
Read More
TRUE: Colin Kaepernick Pitches for NFL Return, Vows To never Kneel During National Anthem
In a twist that no one saw coming, Colin Kaepernick, the former NFL quarterback turned civil rights activist, has made an impassioned plea to be reinstated into the NFL. And here’s the kicker: he’s promised to stand tall and proud during the national anthem. Yes, you read that right. The man who once knelt in […]
Read More
TRUE: Oliver Anthony Teams Up with Kid Rock and Jason Aldean for the ‘You Can’t Cancel America’ Tour
In a move that some might call “bold” and others might label “utterly mind-boggling,” the music world’s freshest face, Oliver Anthony, has announced that he’ll be joining forces with the uncancelable legends of American music: Kid Rock and Jason Aldean. They will embark on what is being heralded as the most anticipated tour of the […]
Read More
TRUE: Cadance Owens Takes Charge, ‘Lia Thomas Should Be Banned From Women’s Sports’
Ah, the age-old tradition of commenting on matters that blend sports with socio-politics. If there’s anything that brings out the armchair experts in full force, it’s this explosive combination. Enter Candace Owens, the political commentator who would presumably rather play referee than spectator. Her latest buzzer-beater? Lia Thomas should be exiled from women’s sports. Let’s […]
Read More
Alyssa Milano Says ‘Elon Musk Ruined My Life And Career’
In a twist that no one saw coming, not even the most avid tabloid readers or the most relentless Twitter stalkers, actress and activist Alyssa Milano recently announced in a tearful Instagram Live session that none other than Elon Musk is to blame for, well, everything that’s ever gone wrong in her life. Yes, you […]
Read More
TRUE: Megan Rapinoe To Leave America Soon
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s official: America has entered its most tumultuous period since the debate on pineapple as a pizza topping. Megan Rapinoe, the pink-haired soccer prodigy and America’s sweetheart (or nemesis, depending on who you ask), has declared her intention to depart the Land of the Free. Why, you might ask? The answer, echoing […]
Read More
TRUE: Jason Aldean and Oliver Anthony Named Country Music’s Newest Nobel Laureates
In an unprecedented twist that has left many scratching their heads, the Nobel Committee has announced its latest recipients for the Nobel Prize in… wait for it… Country Music? Yes, that’s right, folks. The illustrious award, which is typically reserved for contributions in fields like Physics, Chemistry, and Peace, has taken a detour down a […]
Read More
‘They’re Too Woke’: Denzel Washington Refuses To Work With Disney
In a world where celebrities often tread lightly around controversial topics, Denzel Washington’s recent decision to distance himself from Disney has sent shockwaves throughout the entertainment industry. The two-time Academy Award-winning actor, known for his roles in films like “Training Day” and “Malcolm X”, has publicly stated that he will not be working with the […]
Read More
TRUE: Sylvester Stallone Declines Disney’s Half-Billion Dollar ‘Woke’ Film Proposal
In a move that has left Hollywood’s elite gasping for air (and not just from their high-intensity Pilates sessions), Sylvester Stallone, the man who once single-handedly took on the entire Soviet Union in a boxing ring, has turned down a jaw-dropping $500 million movie offer from Disney. His reason? He’s had enough of the “woke […]
Read More