Petition Hits 50 Million Signatures to Make Charlie Kirk TIME Person of the Year, “TIME for Charlie”
In an era where celebrity petitions range from demanding Shrek 5 to insisting Nicolas Cage be named “National Treasure” for real, one petition has dwarfed them all: **the drive to nominate the late Charlie Kirk for TIME Magazine’s Person of the Year**. Within just three weeks of its launch, the campaign has already surpassed 50 […]
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“For Charlie”: Kid Rock’s Tribute Album Reaches 1 Billion Streams in Record-Breaking First Day
When the clock struck midnight and Kid Rock dropped his long-awaited tribute album to the late conservative activist Charlie Kirk, few could have anticipated the seismic shockwaves it would send through both the music industry and the political landscape. By dawn, the album had already racked up an unprecedented **1 billion streams on Spotify**—a feat […]
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Jason Aldean and Kid Rock to Honor Charlie Kirk at Super Bowl Halftime, “GODSPEED CHARLIE, OUR BROTHER”
In a move that has left some NFL fans scratching their heads and others buying out fireworks stores in bulk, the league has officially confirmed that Jason Aldean and Kid Rock will lead a special halftime segment honoring the late conservative activist Charlie Kirk during the next Super Bowl. The announcement comes after months of […]
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Jimmy Kimmel’s Post-Suspension Episode Gets Lowest Ratings In TV History, ABC Is Considering Replacing It With Charlie Kirk Show
Jimmy Kimmel has long prided himself on being America’s late-night clown prince, a master of “gotcha” jokes, celebrity pranks, and weepy monologues about politics that nobody asked for. But after his latest return from suspension—sparked by his infamous comments about the late conservative activist Charlie Kirk—Kimmel’s career may have hit a rock-bottom low so deep […]
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Every State Ordered to Erect Charlie Kirk Statue at Capitol Buildings, “This Is the Most Beautiful Thing Ever Done for America”
President Donald Trump has announced what he calls “the single greatest cultural project in American history” — a plan to install Charlie Kirk statues in front of every state capitol building in the nation. “People say George Washington was the father of our country,” Trump said while holding up a glossy poster of Kirk in […]
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Jimmy Kimmel Launches GoFundMe After $20 Million Sponsorship Loss Over Charlie Kirk Comments: “Please Save Me”
Jimmy Kimmel, once the smirking face of late-night television, is now the smirking face of a GoFundMe campaign. After hemorrhaging yet another $20 million in sponsorship deals following his controversial remarks about the late Charlie Kirk, Kimmel has taken his financial plight to the internet, proving that even millionaires can cosplay as broke YouTubers when […]
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Whoopi Goldberg Suspended Indefinitely by ABC After “Disgusting” Charlie Kirk Comments, “We’ve Had Enough Of Her Toxicity”
It’s the end of an era — or maybe just a very long commercial break. ABC has announced that The View’s grand duchess of daytime snark, Whoopi Goldberg, is suspended indefinitely after her latest hot take scorched one bridge too many: a jab at the late Charlie Kirk. The suspension comes in the middle of […]
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Jimmy Kimmel Threatens To Flee Country After Being Suspended Again By ABC, “I Might Shift To UK Just Like Ellen”
Jimmy Kimmel has once again been benched by ABC, marking his second suspension in just two weeks. The reason? His pointed comments about the late conservative commentator Charlie Kirk, who was assassinated earlier this month. On Tuesday night, during his opening monologue, Kimmel cracked jokes comparing the nationwide mourning for Kirk to “the reaction you’d […]
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Every Red State School to Have Turning Point USA Chapters: “Nobody Will Ever Forget Him”
In what some are calling the largest expansion of a student organization since fraternities discovered cheap beer, governors across America’s red states announced this week that every school under their jurisdiction will now host a Turning Point USA chapter, in honor of the late conservative activist Charlie Kirk. The move comes just two weeks after […]
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Texas Governor Greg Abbott Bans Pride Flags From All Schools Following Utah: “No More Wokeness in Our State”
In a move that surprised approximately zero people but still managed to dominate headlines, Texas Governor Greg Abbott held a press conference Wednesday morning to announce his latest crusade: a full statewide ban on Pride flags in public schools. Standing at a podium flanked by a giant Texas state flag and, curiously, a framed photo […]
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