Primanti Bros. Loses Almost $20 Million Overnight Due to Boycott
In what can only be described as the most disastrous culinary collapse since the Great Bacon Shortage of 2019, Pittsburgh’s iconic sandwich chain, Primanti Bros., has reportedly lost nearly $20 million overnight. The shocking financial hit comes as a result of a rapidly spreading boycott ignited by the controversial barring of Republican vice-presidential nominee J.D. […]
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Tim Walz Permanently Banned from College Games After Facing Loud Boos: “Get Outta Here!”
In what can only be described as the ultimate red card of public humiliation, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz has reportedly been permanently banned from attending college football games after facing a thunderous wave of boos at the Michigan-Minnesota matchup on Saturday. The governor, who had hoped to enjoy a leisurely afternoon at “The Big House” […]
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Primanti Bros. Loses 3 Major Sponsors After J.D. Vance Fallout: “No Sandwiches, No Sponsors”
In the latest twist of the Primanti Bros. saga, the beloved Pittsburgh sandwich chain has lost not just customers, but three major sponsors after its highly publicized refusal to let Republican vice-presidential nominee J.D. Vance enter one of their restaurants. What began as an incident involving a politician and a famous sandwich has spiraled into […]
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Primanti Bros. Shuts Down 10 Prime Locations Amid Boycott Backlash Following J.D. Vance Fallout
In what can only be described as a sandwich-sized disaster, Pittsburgh’s beloved Primanti Brothers has closed the doors on 10 of its prime locations, succumbing to the mounting pressure from a rapidly growing boycott. What started as a small spat over a campaign stop involving Republican vice presidential nominee J.D. Vance has snowballed into a […]
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Megyn Kelly and Candace Owens Sign $400 Million Deal with CBS for Morning Show to Rival ‘The View’
In a move that has left both fans and critics alike buzzing, Megyn Kelly and Candace Owens have reportedly inked a jaw-dropping $400 million deal with CBS to host a new morning show set to directly rival ABC’s The View. The deal, which is already being touted as one of the biggest in television history, […]
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Taylor Swift’s Manager Confirms: “We’re Not Getting Any Ticket Sales After The Endorsement Backlash”
In a shocking turn of events, Taylor Swift’s manager has confirmed what many feared: ticket sales for the pop superstar’s much-anticipated tour have come to a screeching halt following her recent endorsement of Vice President Kamala Harris. What was once expected to be a sold-out, record-breaking tour has now turned into a ghost town of […]
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Taylor Swift Blames Instagram for Losing Millions Of Followers After Harris Endorsement: ‘It Must Be a Glitch!’
In a bizarre twist to an already turbulent week, Taylor Swift has pointed the finger at Instagram for her recent mass exodus of followers following her endorsement of Vice President Kamala Harris. Swift, who saw a significant dip in her Instagram following shortly after she publicly supported Harris, claims the platform itself is to blame […]
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Taylor Swift Apologizes to Fans: ‘I Didn’t Know Endorsing Kamala Would Be Such a Buzzkill’
In a move that has left both Swifties and political junkies reeling, pop superstar Taylor Swift issued a public apology to her fans, admitting that she had severely underestimated the fallout from her recent endorsement of Vice President Kamala Harris. “I didn’t know endorsing Kamala would be such a buzzkill,” Swift said in a statement […]
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Dennis Quaid Pulls His Exclusive Show From ABC: “Why Stay On A Sinking Ship?”
In a dramatic move that has sent waves through the entertainment industry, actor Dennis Quaid has officially pulled his exclusive show from ABC, delivering a parting shot that echoed throughout Hollywood: “Why stay on a sinking ship?” The decision, which comes amid ongoing controversies surrounding ABC and its handling of recent political debates, has left […]
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Country Music Association Strips Taylor Swift of Her Awards: “Should’ve Just Stuck to Entertainment”
In a move that has left the music world both shocked and somewhat bemused, the Country Music Association (CMA) has officially stripped Taylor Swift of her numerous awards, citing the pop superstar’s recent political endorsement of Vice President Kamala Harris as the reason. The CMA, which once celebrated Swift as a country music darling, is […]
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