ABC Stores Across the US Display Signs Declaring No Affiliation With ABC Network After Debate
In the aftermath of the heated 2024 presidential debate, ABC stores across the United States have begun displaying bold signage to make one thing crystal clear: they have absolutely no connection to the television network responsible for airing the contentious event. From “ABC Fine Wine & Spirits” to “ABC Warehouse,” locations are posting disclaimers on […]
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ABC Fires Entire Staff Amid Debate Backlash, “It Was Our Biggest Mistake”
In a corporate purge worthy of a dystopian novel, ABC has decided to fire its entire staff after the network found itself at the center of a post-debate backlash tsunami. From seasoned anchors to cafeteria workers, no one was safe from the network’s hasty response to the uproar that followed its now-infamous Trump vs. Harris […]
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ABC Drops Out of the Debate Business After Backlash, Fox to Hold Next Debate: “We Can’t Afford It”
In a plot twist no one saw coming, ABC has officially declared that it’s bowing out of the presidential debate business, citing both financial strain and a backlash of epic proportions. After years of hosting these political slugfests, ABC executives have finally thrown in the towel, reportedly muttering, “We can’t afford it,” as they exited […]
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ABC Loses 5 Major Advertisers After Debate, Costing the Media Company $27 Million: “We Won’t Host Any Debates in the Future”
In a plot twist that could only happen in 2024, ABC has officially lost five major advertisers following the fallout from its controversial handling of the latest presidential debate. The network, known for its polished news broadcasts and long-standing tradition of hosting political events, has now been hit where it hurts most: its wallet. The […]
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Elon Musk: “Kamala Didn’t Need To Debate Trump. She Had the ABC Moderators Do That For Her While She Babbled Like An Idiot”
In a new chapter of his ongoing quest to comment on everything from space travel to social media ownership, billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk has once again entered the political fray. This time, his target was none other than Vice President Kamala Harris—and the ABC moderators who hosted the recent presidential debate between her and Donald […]
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Elon Musk Reveals His Endorsement: “We Need a Red Wave Right Now”
In a move that has left political analysts scrambling and Twitter (sorry, X) on fire, Elon Musk—the world’s wealthiest space enthusiast, electric car magnate, and part-time flamethrower salesman—has officially thrown his considerable weight behind a Republican resurgence, declaring, “We need a red wave right now.” And if that wasn’t enough to shake the internet, Musk […]
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NBC’s Fact Checkers Reveal Kamala Lied 29 Times During Debate With Trump: “She’s Good At Lying”
In what can only be described as an Olympic-level display of verbal gymnastics, NBC’s fact-checkers have revealed that Vice President Kamala Harris set a new record in political artistry during her debate with former President Donald Trump, racking up an impressive 29 lies in just 90 minutes. And honestly? The fact-checkers almost seemed impressed, even […]
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Breaking: Robert De Niro Vows to Leave the US Permanently if the 45th Returns to Office
Robert De Niro, the venerable actor known for his iconic roles in “Taxi Driver” and “Goodfellas,” has announced he will pack up and leave the United States permanently if Donald J. Trump becomes the 45th president of the United States. De Niro, who’s never been shy about sharing his disdain for Trump, seems ready to […]
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