Breaking: Coach Prime Suspends 3 Persistent Anthem Kneelers On The Spot

Colorado Buffalos Kneel During Anthem

In a stunning twist of irony that could only be matched by pouring Gatorade over your own head before the game even begins, Coach Prime, known to some as Deion Sanders, has put forth his own version of peaceful protest. His message? He’s sidelining three players who took a knee during the national anthem, stating, “I do not want activists.” It seems Coach Prime has forgotten that football, like activism, is a team effort.

The atmosphere at the stadium was electric. No, not because of a great play or a touchdown, but because three brave souls decided to kneel. But if you ask Coach Prime, they were just trying to tie their shoelaces – all at the same time.

“I’ve always said, if you’re going to kneel, at least propose,” Coach Prime said in a post-game interview, adding, “but proposing any change on my field? Not on my watch!”

It’s evident that Coach Prime prefers the kind of players who only stand – whether it’s for the anthem or the length of their careers. These sidelined athletes, unfortunately, seemed to be getting too comfortable down there on their knees, not considering that the turf might get a bit green on their uniforms. Oh, the horror!

One has to wonder if this bold move will start a new trend in the NFL. Perhaps next week we’ll witness coaches demanding players not to catch balls to avoid hand strains. Or, for the love of the sport, insist that they should never tackle, lest they be considered too aggressive.

A source close to the benched players whispered that they’re considering a new form of silent protest – maybe standing on one leg, or hopping in place. That way, they’re technically still standing. It’s always essential to find that middle ground, especially when dealing with the nuances of sideline activism.

It’s clear Coach Prime wants to keep the ‘foot’ in football, making sure every player stands firm on both feet, showing complete dedication to the sport – and absolutely nothing else. Because, as we all know, the real world issues should magically disappear once you set foot on the sacred football field.

In a world filled with real challenges and issues that demand attention, it’s comforting to know that Coach Prime is laser-focused on the real problem: players who kneel. After all, isn’t that what sports are all about?

Let’s just hope those benched players remember to stand tall when they’re picking up their paychecks. We wouldn’t want them accused of not standing up for what they believe in.

Alex Robin

With years of experience in crafting clever and satirical pieces, Alex has made a name for himself as one of the funniest and sharpest writers in the industry. Although his true identity remains a mystery, what is clear is that Alex has a knack for finding the absurdity in everyday situations and turning them into laugh-out-loud funny stories. He has a unique perspective on the world and is always on the lookout for the next big target to skewer with his biting wit. When he's not writing hilarious articles for, Alex enjoys playing practical jokes on his friends and family, watching stand-up comedy, and rooting for his favorite sports teams. He also has a soft spot for animals, particularly his mischievous cat, who often inspires his comedic material.

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