Elon Musk Causes Budweiser to Suffer an $800 Million Loss
In a stunning turn of events, beer giant Budweiser has announced an $800 million loss after the recent Bud Light fiasco, which involved the shipment of several cases of beer to Dylan Mulvaney. The debacle was apparently sparked by a tweet from none other than Elon Musk, the eccentric billionaire and CEO of Tesla and […]
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Anheuser Busch to discontinue and rebrand their flagship beer: Bud Light
In a shocking move, Anheuser Busch has announced that they will be discontinuing their flagship beer brand, Bud Light, following a recent PR disaster. The decision comes after a series of unfortunate events that began when a case of Bud Light was sent to Dylan Mulvaney, a man from Michigan who had never shown any […]
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Just in: Roseanne Joins Kid Rock’s “No Snowflakes” Tour for Limited Appearances
Roseanne Barr, the controversial comedian, has announced that she will be making limited appearances on Kid Rock’s “No Snowflakes” tour. The tour, which is set to kick off next month, has already generated a lot of buzz due to its controversial name and its association with the conservative musician. In a statement released to the […]
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Kid Rock Takes on American Patriotism, Promotes ‘American Patriot Beer’
Kid Rock, the self-proclaimed “American Bad Ass,” is back in the headlines again, this time for his new venture: “American Patriot Beer.” The launch of the brand comes just months after a legal dispute with Bud Light, which resulted in a million-dollar lawsuit. The feud between Kid Rock and Bud Light began when the rapper’s […]
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Just in: Griffin, Milano, and Paltrow Join “The View”
In a bold move to keep up with the changing times, the popular daytime talk show “The View” has announced that it will be going online, with a whole new lineup of hosts that includes Kathy Griffin, Alyssa Milano, and Gwyneth Paltrow. The decision to move “The View” to an online format was reportedly made […]
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Former Swimmer Riley Gaines Sues Lia Thomas for $2 Million: “She Took Everything From Me”
In a shocking turn of events, former swimmer Riley Gaines has filed a $2 million lawsuit against fellow athlete Lia Thomas, claiming that Thomas “took everything” from her. The lawsuit alleges that Thomas, who is transgender and has been making waves in the swimming world, unfairly dominated the competition and left Gaines in the dust. […]
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Jack Daniels’ ‘Woke’ Statement Costs Company $100 Million in Sales and Counting
In what can only be described as a sobering turn of events, Jack Daniels has announced that it lost a staggering $100 million in one “woke” weekend. The whiskey company’s woes began when it released a statement expressing support for the Black Lives Matter movement and pledging to do more to promote diversity and inclusion. […]
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Spielberg’s ‘Color Purple’ Sequel Drops Whoopi Goldberg
In a move that has left fans reeling, it has been announced that Whoopi Goldberg will not be reprising her role in the upcoming sequel to Steven Spielberg’s ‘The Color Purple.’ Sources close to the production say that Goldberg was let go due to creative differences with the director, though rumors abound that she was […]
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Bud Light’s Fiasco Causes Over $1 Billion in Losses, Leaving Investors Fuming
In a stunning turn of events, the Bud Light Fiasco has reportedly cost the company over $1 billion in losses, leaving investors absolutely furious. The debacle began when Bud Light decided to release a new line of flavored beers, including such questionable flavors as Bacon and Maple Syrup, Spicy Nacho Cheese, and Ranch Dressing. Despite […]
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Lia Thomas Announces Desire to Revert To Be Male Again: “I’ve Accomplished My Goals”
In a surprising turn of events, Lia Thomas, the transgender swimmer who made headlines for competing on the women’s team at the NCAA championships, has announced that she wants to transition back to being male. In a statement to the media, Thomas explained that while she had enjoyed her time as a female athlete, she […]
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