Breaking: NCAA Shifts All Medals From Lia Thomas To Riley Gaines
In a twist that left the sports world doing a collective double take, the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) recently decided to embark on a medal merry-go-round, cheerfully transferring all medals from Lia Thomas to Riley Gaines. The announcement, delivered with an air of nonchalance, has thrown the sporting community into a whirlwind of confusion, […]
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Breaking: Coach Prime Suspends 3 Persistent Anthem Kneelers On The Spot
In a stunning twist of irony that could only be matched by pouring Gatorade over your own head before the game even begins, Coach Prime, known to some as Deion Sanders, has put forth his own version of peaceful protest. His message? He’s sidelining three players who took a knee during the national anthem, stating, […]
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TRUE: Sylvester Stallone Declines Disney’s Half-Billion Dollar ‘Woke’ Film Proposal
In a move that has left Hollywood’s elite gasping for air (and not just from their high-intensity Pilates sessions), Sylvester Stallone, the man who once single-handedly took on the entire Soviet Union in a boxing ring, has turned down a jaw-dropping $500 million movie offer from Disney. His reason? He’s had enough of the “woke […]
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TRUE: Bud Light Appoints Colin Kaepernick as New Ambassador to Boost Sales
In a move that has left many beer enthusiasts and social media gurus scratching their heads, Bud Light, still reeling from the Dylan Mulvaney controversy, has announced its latest brand ambassador: none other than the football legend and activist, Colin Kaepernick. Because when you’re trying to recover from one PR hiccup, why not dive headfirst […]
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TRUE: Colin Kaepernick Pitches for NFL Return, Vows To never Kneel During National Anthem
In a twist that no one saw coming, Colin Kaepernick, the former NFL quarterback turned civil rights activist, has made an impassioned plea to be reinstated into the NFL. And here’s the kicker: he’s promised to stand tall and proud during the national anthem. Yes, you read that right. The man who once knelt in […]
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TRUE: Oliver Anthony Teams Up with Kid Rock and Jason Aldean for the ‘You Can’t Cancel America’ Tour
In a move that some might call “bold” and others might label “utterly mind-boggling,” the music world’s freshest face, Oliver Anthony, has announced that he’ll be joining forces with the uncancelable legends of American music: Kid Rock and Jason Aldean. They will embark on what is being heralded as the most anticipated tour of the […]
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TRUE: Cadance Owens Takes Charge, ‘Lia Thomas Should Be Banned From Women’s Sports’
Ah, the age-old tradition of commenting on matters that blend sports with socio-politics. If there’s anything that brings out the armchair experts in full force, it’s this explosive combination. Enter Candace Owens, the political commentator who would presumably rather play referee than spectator. Her latest buzzer-beater? Lia Thomas should be exiled from women’s sports. Let’s […]
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Alyssa Milano Says ‘Elon Musk Ruined My Life And Career’
In a twist that no one saw coming, not even the most avid tabloid readers or the most relentless Twitter stalkers, actress and activist Alyssa Milano recently announced in a tearful Instagram Live session that none other than Elon Musk is to blame for, well, everything that’s ever gone wrong in her life. Yes, you […]
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TRUE: Megan Rapinoe To Leave America Soon
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s official: America has entered its most tumultuous period since the debate on pineapple as a pizza topping. Megan Rapinoe, the pink-haired soccer prodigy and America’s sweetheart (or nemesis, depending on who you ask), has declared her intention to depart the Land of the Free. Why, you might ask? The answer, echoing […]
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Breaking: Tucker Carlson Joins Candace Owens on ‘The View’
In an unforeseen twist that could only be rivaled by the finale of a telenovela, the producers of “The View” have once again shocked the world. Hot on the heels of Candace Owens’ controversial addition to the panel, none other than Tucker Carlson, the firebrand conservative commentator, is set to co-host the show. Yes, you […]
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