Jack Daniels’ ‘Woke’ Statement Costs Company $100 Million in Sales and Counting
In what can only be described as a sobering turn of events, Jack Daniels has announced that it lost a staggering $100 million in one “woke” weekend. The whiskey company’s woes began when it released a statement expressing support for the Black Lives Matter movement and pledging to do more to promote diversity and inclusion. […]
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Spielberg’s ‘Color Purple’ Sequel Drops Whoopi Goldberg
In a move that has left fans reeling, it has been announced that Whoopi Goldberg will not be reprising her role in the upcoming sequel to Steven Spielberg’s ‘The Color Purple.’ Sources close to the production say that Goldberg was let go due to creative differences with the director, though rumors abound that she was […]
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Bud Light’s Fiasco Causes Over $1 Billion in Losses, Leaving Investors Fuming
In a stunning turn of events, the Bud Light Fiasco has reportedly cost the company over $1 billion in losses, leaving investors absolutely furious. The debacle began when Bud Light decided to release a new line of flavored beers, including such questionable flavors as Bacon and Maple Syrup, Spicy Nacho Cheese, and Ranch Dressing. Despite […]
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Kid Rock Ditches Bud Light for Miller in $40 Million Sponsorship Deal: “F*** You, Bud Light!”
In a bold move that is sure to ruffle some feathers in the beer industry, Kid Rock has reportedly signed a $40 million sponsorship deal with Miller, effectively ending his long-standing relationship with rival brand Bud Light. According to sources close to the deal, Kid Rock was drawn to Miller’s “no-nonsense” approach to beer-making, which […]
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NASCAR cuts ties with Budweiser over “woke” values
In a shocking move that has sent shockwaves through the racing world, NASCAR has announced that it is dropping its long-standing sponsorship deal with Budweiser, citing concerns that the beer brand has become too “woke” in recent years. According to sources close to the decision, NASCAR officials became increasingly uncomfortable with Budweiser’s public statements on […]
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Pabst outshines Budweiser: Bags $124m exclusive beer deal with Kid Rock’s world tour
In a surprising move that has left many in the beer industry scratching their heads, Pabst Brewing Company has reportedly snatched a $124 million deal from Budweiser to become the “exclusive provider” for Kid Rock’s upcoming world tour. According to sources close to the deal, Pabst was able to woo the “American Bad Ass” singer […]
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Just in: Budweiser Loses Top Spot as Best-Selling Beer After 60 Years
In a stunning upset, Budweiser has fallen out as the number-one-selling beer in the United States for the first time in 60 years. The iconic brand, known for its distinctive red and white can, has been knocked off its perch by an upstart craft brewery from Portland, Oregon. The brewery, which goes by the name […]
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Just in: Anheuser Busch Stuck With A Million Unsellable Bud Light “Trans Cans”
Anheuser Busch is in hot water after a recent marketing campaign for their popular beer brand, Bud Light, went terribly wrong. In an attempt to show its support for the LGBTQ+ community, the company released a limited edition line of “Trans Cans” featuring the iconic Bud Light blue and white colors with a rainbow stripe […]
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Roseanne Barr Launches Bud Light-Themed Shooting Range
In a move that is sure to raise eyebrows, former television star Roseanne Barr has announced that she is opening up a new Bud Light-themed shooting range in rural Oklahoma. The range, which will feature targets emblazoned with the iconic Bud Light logo, is being touted by Barr as a way to combine her two […]
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Breaking: Kid Rock Signs $20 Million Deal with Miller, Tells Bud Light to “F*** Off”
Kid Rock, the notorious American musician and self-proclaimed “badass”, has just signed a whopping $40 million sponsorship deal with Miller beer. The announcement came as a shock to many in the industry, as Kid Rock has long been associated with Budweiser. But according to sources close to the deal, Kid Rock was lured away by […]
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