BREAKING: Mike Tomlin Just Fired Two Players After They Knelt During National Anthem
In what can only be described as the most “2023” move ever, Pittsburgh Steelers’ coach Mike Tomlin apparently made good on his earlier threats. Shortly after two of his players knelt during the national anthem, they were handed their walking papers. But in a whimsical twist, rumors abound that he’s considering two llamas as their […]
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TRUE: Gordon Ramsay Goes Nuclear, Vows To Get ‘The View’ Cancelled
Ah, British chef extraordinaire and sometimes fire-breathing dragon Gordon Ramsay, known for his outbursts on Hell’s Kitchen and critiques on MasterChef. But who knew that his newest mission wouldn’t involve food, but instead be an attempt to toss “The View” into the proverbial trash bin? Apparently, the iconic TV chef has grown weary of undercooked […]
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TRUE: John Elway Bans Anthem Kneeling, Says ‘Kneel On My Field Ad You’re Fired On The Spot’
In an unexpected twist in the world of NFL controversies, Denver Broncos’ executive John Elway has released a jaw-dropping mandate: “Kneel on my field, and you’re fired on the spot.” But rumor has it, there’s a secret codicil that’s been whispered among players: While kneeling might be out, tap dancing during timeouts could be the […]
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TRUE: Oliver Anthony Teams Up with Kid Rock and Jason Aldean for the ‘You Can’t Cancel America’ Tour
In a move that some might call “bold” and others might label “utterly mind-boggling,” the music world’s freshest face, Oliver Anthony, has announced that he’ll be joining forces with the uncancelable legends of American music: Kid Rock and Jason Aldean. They will embark on what is being heralded as the most anticipated tour of the […]
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TRUE: Anheuser-Busch CEO Publicly Admits ‘Yes, We’re Woke’
In a turn of events that left many jaws on the floor and beer cans left half-empty, Anheuser-Busch’s CEO, Maxwell Hoptastic, stunned the world by openly admitting in a press conference earlier today, “Yes, we’re woke.” For those out of the loop, “woke” is a term rooted in Black American culture that refers to a […]
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TRUE: Elon Musk Sues Microsoft For $10 Billion
In an unexpected turn of events, tech magnate Elon Musk has taken a massive legal step against one of the world’s leading tech giants, Microsoft. Announcing his intent to sue the company for a staggering $10 billion, the tech world has been abuzz with speculations and theories. It began with a cryptic tweet from Musk: […]
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Alyssa Milano Says ‘Elon Musk Ruined My Life And Career’
In a twist that no one saw coming, not even the most avid tabloid readers or the most relentless Twitter stalkers, actress and activist Alyssa Milano recently announced in a tearful Instagram Live session that none other than Elon Musk is to blame for, well, everything that’s ever gone wrong in her life. Yes, you […]
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TRUE: The View’s Sunny Hostin Faces Wrath Of Elon Musk
The world of daytime talk shows is notorious for its unpredictable turns and catfights, both verbal and sometimes, almost physical. But who would’ve thought that we’d witness a crossover between the universe of daytime TV and the realm of rockets, space, and the promise of Mars colonization? Sunny Hostin, co-host on The View, managed to […]
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TRUE: Megan Rapinoe To Leave America Soon
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s official: America has entered its most tumultuous period since the debate on pineapple as a pizza topping. Megan Rapinoe, the pink-haired soccer prodigy and America’s sweetheart (or nemesis, depending on who you ask), has declared her intention to depart the Land of the Free. Why, you might ask? The answer, echoing […]
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TRUE: Cadance Owens Takes Charge, ‘Lia Thomas Should Be Banned From Women’s Sports’
Ah, the age-old tradition of commenting on matters that blend sports with socio-politics. If there’s anything that brings out the armchair experts in full force, it’s this explosive combination. Enter Candace Owens, the political commentator who would presumably rather play referee than spectator. Her latest buzzer-beater? Lia Thomas should be exiled from women’s sports. Let’s […]
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